Kitija Ozolina · Awareness Mentor for Mothers
Am I Broken? (The Question Underneath Everything)
Not because you enjoy it. Because staying is familiar. And familiar is the closest thing to safe.
You feel like there is something wrong with you. That you react in ways that do not make sense. That you cannot just be normal.
Nothing is wrong with you. Something happened to you. Those are not the same thing.
That part of you is not broken itself. It is not your enemy. It is not evidence of how far gone you are.
It is a part of you that is trying to protect you. From something. It has a logic, even if that logic is outdated. You are allowed to have it, and you are allowed to look at it with curiosity instead of shame.
Why part of us resists healing
Healing means becoming someone different. And becoming someone different means the old strategies. the ones that kept you safe when you were small. stop being the ones you use.
The keeping quiet. The not needing. The performing to earn your place. The anticipating everyone else's feelings before your own. These are not flaws. They are survival skills. They worked. And some part of you is still not sure it is safe to let them go.
So when healing asks you to do something different. to speak up, to rest, to receive. something inside pulls back. Not because it wants you to suffer. Because it does not know yet that you are safe enough to try something new.
What the evidence actually shows
Not proof from outside. What is already here.
She is here.
You are reading this. You found your way to the question. Something in you is still looking. still curious, still trying. Broken things do not do that. Broken things stop caring. You have not stopped caring. That is not nothing.
She is asking.
The question "am I broken?" is not a broken question. It is an honest one. It means some part of you is still in contact with the possibility that you are not. The asking is the thread. You can follow it.
She keeps going.
Whatever has been hard, you have kept going. Not always gracefully. Not always without damage. But here. Still. That is the thing nobody celebrates because it looks like ordinary life from the outside. Inside, keeping going has cost you something. And you did it anyway.
She wants something different.
The longing for something to be different. that is not broken. That is alive. The resignation that nothing will change, that you are too far gone, that it is too late. that is what we are working against. And the fact that you are here means the resignation has not won.
Broken things don't ask if they're broken. They don't care anymore. You still care.
That caring is the most important thing here. Not a solution. just the thing to stay close to.
What if what feels broken in you is actually tenderness?
With love, Kitija 🤍
Want me to keep you posted?
I write when there is something new. Nothing else.