Kitija Ozolina · Awareness Mentor for Mothers

Where to Start When You've Forgotten Who You Are

Not from the beginning. Not from figuring yourself out. From something smaller than that.

You know something needs to change. You just do not know where to begin.

Not because you are lost. Because no one has shown you the first step. This is that step.

You are not behind. There is no behind. You are allowed to be at the beginning. Most women performing certainty are also figuring it out as they go. they have just had more practice at not showing it.

Five starting places.

You do not need to do all five. One, genuinely tried, is enough to begin.

Start with the no.

Don't try to figure out who you are. It's too big. Too abstract. You will sit there and nothing will come.

Instead, ask: what feels wrong? What drains me? What do I say yes to while something in my body says no? What you don't want is a clearer signal than what you do want. The no knows first. Start there. Make a list if you want. Don't edit it. The no is your compass.

Find one small thing that is only yours.

Not a transformation. Not a practice. One thing.

A walk you take without your phone. A book that has nothing to do with parenting or self-improvement. Music you put on when no one else is home. One cup of coffee drunk slowly, before anyone asks you for anything. The size does not matter. What matters is that it is yours. That you chose it. That no one else is the reason for it.

Notice what you envy.

Envy is uncomfortable. We learn quickly to dismiss it or feel ashamed of it.

But envy is pointing at something. When you feel that small sting. she gets to do that, she has that, she looks like she knows who she is. don't push it away. Ask: what specifically am I responding to? Not the person. The thing they have that you want. That is information about you. That is your wanting, coming up through the back door.

Stop performing okayness.

We spend so much energy maintaining the appearance of fine.

Fine to the people who would worry. Fine to the people we don't want to burden. Fine because admitting not-fine feels like falling, and we can't afford to fall. But the performance takes up space. The energy you use to hold it together is energy that could go somewhere else. You do not have to tell everyone. But find one place. a journal, a conversation, an honest moment with yourself. where you stop saying fine and say what is actually true.

Give yourself permission to be at the beginning.

You are not behind. There is no behind.

The feeling that you should already know who you are. that other women have figured this out and you haven't. that is not true. Most women performing confidence are also figuring it out as they go. You are allowed to not know yet. You are allowed to be at the beginning. That is not a failure. That is where everyone starts when they start honestly.

Starting does not look like a plan. It looks like one honest question you let yourself sit with instead of immediately answering or avoiding.

That is the beginning. It is smaller than you think. And it is enough.

"Starting doesn't look like a plan. It looks like one honest question."

You are already starting. You were already starting before you opened this page.

If you took one honest step today, what would it be?

With love, Kitija 🤍

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